


Without You

by PezzieCoyote



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: 9x08 fix it fic, Can't list other characters bc it'll give away the story, Daryl is broken, Jesus is ours now, Kang and Gimple suck, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Unrequited Love, fuck kang and gimple for destroying the beautiful Paul Rovia, spiritual journey?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-13 00:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18021197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PezzieCoyote/pseuds/PezzieCoyote
Summary: Daryl is heartbroken about Paul's death. In his despair, he isolates himself. But there are powers at work that won't let things be. Daryl's in for the shock of his life.





	1. Without

Daryl looked back as he left the walls of Hilltop. It was late, most everyone was in bed. Probably not asleep, but in bed just the same. He knew Tara wouldn't be sleeping tonight. She was Paul's second in command and now was most likely in charge. She was far more suited to it than Paul was. He'd heard Rovia say several times how he wasn't a leader.

He nodded up at Kal as he shut the gates behind him. He understood that Daryl couldn't stay. He had nothing left now. There was nothing to stay for. Rick was gone, Maggie was gone, now Paul was gone. No one would even notice him gone. 

Dog trotted quietly beside his master as Daryl took the handles of his bike, walking till he was further away to start it up. He knew if anyone heard the bike, they'd be out there straightaway to stop him from leaving. They'd sent a runner to the Kingdom to get Carol but Daryl would be long gone by time she got there. He couldn't face her, not after this. She knew everything about him. She'd known about his feelings for Paul for as long as he'd had them. Paul being dead now, it was almost too much to take.

He walked for another 10 minutes before climbing on the bike, starting it up and riding off, Dog by his side. An hour later, he was back in the woods, at his usual haunt. He'd set himself up here for years after Rick died. It was easy being out here. He didn't need to talk anything through. Keeping his feelings bottled up wasn't ideal but it was all he could do. 

He sat on one of the logs, a lit cigarette in his hand as he looked off into the night. Not even a star in the sky. Like even the stars knew not to twinkle tonight. The darkness matched his mood. 

He couldn't believe Paul was gone. He closed his eyes briefly as he felt tears well up. As tears ran down his face, he slipped from the log to the ground. As his sniffles turned to sobs, Dog came over to comfort him the best he could.

"Paul, why? Why did ya leave? Why were ya taken from me? Why did I never tell ya what ya meant to me?"

He burrowed his face into Dog's neck as he sobbed, wrapping his arms around his companion. He missed them all so much. He missed the close-knit family they used to be. As much as he hated being in Alexandria at first, that was the place he felt most at home with his family. Now everything was scattered.

Daryl hated how things were. He missed Rick, his brother, so much. He missed Carl, he missed Beth and Hershel and Glenn. Even Abraham's inappropriate comments. Why did things have to be this way?

Eventually, Daryl's tears stopped, drying on his face. He didn't move from Dog though, nor did Dog try to move from him. He just wished... Daryl sighed. No point in wishing, not in this world. If wishes came true, he would have wished for a lot more changes than just undoing Paul's death. He'd undo Rick's, Carl's, Glenn's, Sasha's, so many.

After a spell, he got up, fed Dog and ate some leftover squirrel stew. He didn't think he'd sleep tonight, Paul's death right in the forefront in his mind. All he could see was Paul's shocked face as the sword penetrated his back, Aaron's anguished scream as Paul's body was unceremoniously dropped to the ground, the sight of the fake walkers running with purpose.

Daryl decided to at least try to rest his body, if not his mind. Dog curled up near his feet in the tent, always his master's lookout. He kept his boots and weapons on, even though he had walker traps set up outside. You could never be too careful. He laid there, running memories of Paul through his head. From the moment he first saw those seafoam colored eyes, chasing him around that field, bringing him back to Alexandria. 

He really didn't know when he fell for Paul. Only realized it sometime in the last year or so. Losing Rick had consumed him for years and he shut almost everything and everyone out, except Carol, who visited sporadically. He told her to stay away but the stubborn woman never listened. 

After a few sleepless hours, Daryl got up with a sigh. No point in just laying there. He headed out, Dog in tow, figuring he might as well do something constructive, deciding to find some walkers to kill. He'd rather track animals during the day when he could see better.

Seemed like even the walkers didn't want to mess with Daryl tonight. When he finally found a group of eight or so, he jumped in, talking all his anger and rage out on the undead assholes. At least Paul didn't turn, thanks to Aaron. Somehow he thought it would be worse, having to put down the man he loved.

Once he was through with the group, Daryl plopped down on a nearby rock. What now? Dog curled around him, sensing his master's turmoil. With a sigh, Daryl looked up at the sky as he rubbed his pet's head absently. 

"Ah Paul, if only things were different. Wish I'da told ya what ya meant ta me."

"And why didn't you son?"

Daryl's head turned and his eyes widened in shock.

"Dale?"


	2. Dale

The chapters are short but that's by design. Thanks to those who have offered kudos or comments. I really appreciate it. Onto chapter 2.

**

"Hello son."

Daryl couldn't believe his eyes. Dale looked exactly the same as he remembered. That open short sleeve shirt with bananas over it, the beige bucket hat, even the rifle in his hands. He felt his eyes fill with tears as he stood up, hesitantly nearing the old man.

"Dale? What? What's going on? Why are you here? What is this?"

Daryl was babbling, which was amusing for Dale to see. "I'm just a figment of your imagination, if it makes you feel better. You haven't slept in days, son. Not unusual to hallucinate."

Daryl ran a hand through his unkempt hair and started pacing. Dog looked at him, concerned but stayed where he was. The redneck muttered to himself. "Why would I hallucinate you, Dale? Of all people? Not Rick? Or Hershel? Beth?" He stopped pacing and almost glared at Dale, annoyed.

"Hell if I know why I'm here. Could be that you actually gave a shit about me?"

The grieving man chewed on his thumbnail, thinking. He did respect Dale, and genuinely felt bad about how he was attacked by that walker. How Daryl had to end his suffering. It was such an unnecessary death too. Could have been completely avoided had they all been more careful. They'd gotten too comfortable at the farm.

"You've never been one to really say what you feel, son. Maybe you're seeing me right now to do that. Reconcile with your past." The old man shrugged. "Couldn't hurt could it?"

Daryl raised an eyebrow skeptically. Dale had been their moral compass, the one who was the physical embodiment of a conscience. He hadn't really even thought about the man since he'd put that merciful bullet in his brain.

Suddenly, Dixon felt his eyes stinging with tears. He did miss that time. Despite the apocalypse, it seemed like it was an easier time. He looked at Dale before rushing at him and wrapping his arms around the man. A moment later, he felt Dale's arms circle around him.

"I miss you so much, man. I didn't realize how much. You kept us in check and always tried to do the right thing." Daryl pulled back, dropping his head to wipe his eyes. "I know that because of the whole thing with Randall... he pushed my buttons though. Said he saw a couple of his pals rape a couple of girls. I don't abide by that."

Dale nodded, understanding. "Because it happened to you. Am I right?"

Daryl looked up sharply, but nodded just the same, wiping his eyes again. "How'd ya know?"

Dale shifted slightly. "I was a teacher and a guidance counsellor before my Irma got sick, before I retired. It's sad to say that I can spot the signs of abuse. I could tell, by your reactions and actions that you'd been abused. Probably by your father. You seemed to want that approval though, just as much as you shied away from it. That stems from trust issues. The... assault, I figured that out later."

The hunter remained silent, hands on hips. Dog was up and around, Daryl absently petting his head. 

"Daryl, I'm very proud of you. You've done so much good, helped so many people. Your problem is that you hold onto the losses instead of relishing the victories. Just thinking about things differently can make all the difference in the world."

Again, the hunter remained silent. But he was thinking about what Dale had said. He did tend to hold onto the losses. It festered inside of him until he usually ended up doing something more on instinct than thinking it through.

The old man approached Daryl and laid a hand on his shoulder. "I never had children. Irma lost our only pregnancy when she was about six months along. I felt a kinship with you and Glenn the most. I think of both of you as sons. I'm proud to have known you, son, and I love you."

This time, Daryl did cry, sobs escaping as he was embraced by Dale again. After a few minutes, they parted, Daryl wiping his face even, still sniffling. 

"Take care, son," Dale offered with a smile. "I know you'll continue to make me proud."

With those final words, Dale faded from view. Daryl took a shaky breath before turning to walk away. Dog ran ahead, leading the way, making sure there wasn't anything unexpected.

So what was that? An actual hallucination or a dream? Or something beyond both of that. He really didn't know.

How could Dale be proud of him? He who had put that final bullet into his brain. True he'd been suffering but still. Could it be true that he held onto the bad things? Even after all these years, he still harbored guilt for Glenn's death, even though it was Negan who killed him. If he hadn't acted out, maybe Negan wouldn't have killed Glenn. Maggie would have her husband, Hershel Jr would have and know his father.

Maggie never blamed him though. If he truly took Dale's words to heart, he should be focusing on that, not losing Glenn. He loved Maggie like a sister, loved Hershel jr as a nephew. He loved him just the same as he loved Judith. 

"I'm truly grateful for that."

Daryl startled at the voice and looked up. 

"Lori?"


	3. Lori

"Hi Daryl."

Lori was smiling as she gathered him in her arms. He automatically embraced her, like with Dale, only now realizing how much he missed her. He didn't miss the bullshit between her, Shane and Rick though.

Lori pulled back, wiping her face. She took Daryl's hands in hers immediately after though. "Thank you so much, Daryl. For everything. For caring for my baby girl, making sure she survived, especially when Rick lost himself. You were the first to feed her. I saw that. She looked so natural in your arms. And I knew you loved her right away and would always protect her."

Daryl nodded, thumb back in his mouth. "She's my lil Asskicker. Always will be."

Lori laughed though her tears. "I know! She's so lucky to have you."

Rick's late wife, still wearing the sleeveless plaid shirt she wore when she died, looked contrite though. "I know I wasn't the best person I could have been when I was alive. I know I was so passive-aggressive. I tried to be firm with Shane but he never understood that he was only solace. I was missing Rick so much. Shane being Rick's partner and his best friend, I thought I could have a piece of Rick. He never understood though, that I would never love him. I would only ever love Rick. Things were so strained between Rick and I when I died. I never got his forgiveness."

Daryl looked surprised. "You had it. It was Shane no one could forgive anymore. I know he killed Otis, he killed Randall, set Rick up, trying ta force some kinda confrontation."

"Shane lost it," Lori stated, her hands on her hips, her gaze never leaving Daryl's. "I knew it. He tried to force himself on me when we were at the CDC."

"What? When?"

Lori shifted uncomfortably. "After that first night. Everyone was buzzed. He came to my room. I scratched him."

Daryl lifted a hand to his mouth in shock. He stumbled back, tripping up over his own feet, landing in a heap on the grass. Lori knelt in front of him. "Oh my God. I could never figure out why he was so pissed... I'd always tried ta stay clear 'a him. But he sought me out..."

Lori looked alarmed. "Daryl, what did he..." She saw his face and the shame in his eyes. Tears ran down her face as she wrapped her arms around him again. "I can't believe he'd do that to you. I'm so so sorry." She sobbed against him. "This isn't your fault. Please tell me you know that."

Daryl nodded into her hair. He did know. Took a long time to believe it. The only one he'd every alluded anything to was Carl, but only when he got older. After what Joe and the Claimers attempted to do to him. They'd had a few uncomfortable conversations but it seemed to help the both of them.

Finally, Lori pulled out of Daryl's embrace. Exhausted, Daryl stayed on the ground, Dog coming over to comfort him; Daryl scratched his head.

"Thank you for helping Carl too. He didn't know how to deal with what those bastards wanted to do to him. You offered yourself to them to spare my son that pain. If you hadn't offered yourself, even just to stall them, they could have hurt my boy so bad."

Daryl's head hung down. He still felt guilt from his time with Joe's cronies too. But Lori wasn't having any of his shame. She reached out with one hand and lifted his face up to meet his eyes. 

"You did nothing wrong, Daryl. You've been protecting Carl since you've known him. You've done all you possibly could to protect him."

"Couldn't protect him from gettin' bit," he said bitterly.

Lori sighed. "Look at the way the world is now. For years, Carl's known what this world was. Before I died, I told him he would beat this world. He beat it for a long time. He did so much good. He always looked up to you–"

"Dunno why."

Lori gave him her patented no bullshit look. "Because you're a good man. You always have been. Maybe you didn't let it out when your brother was around but it was always there. No one looked for Sophia as much as you did, even when everyone else gave up. I know from talking to Carol that she had pretty much given up too."

Daryl didn't answer. He didn't think he was that good a person. He knew right from wrong but Merle always tripped him up.

"Didn't you once tell Rick that you would have died for him, for Carl?"

His head popped up. How could she have known what he had said? They'd been in that hole alone.

"You see a lot of things where I am. Sometimes it's out of context. But I saw that much. I know you would have given up everything for Rick and my boy. That's why Carl looked up to you. You always told it like it was, even if he didn't want to hear it."

Daryl scoffed. "Did what any normal person would do."

Lori smiled. "Exactly. You are a good person, like Rick is. You always try to do the right thing, no matter the consequences. I'm glad to have gotten the chance to know you, even if you had no time for me. Like I said, I made shitty decisions. But I'm at peace now. Carl made sure of it, that I wouldn't turn."

Daryl sighed. "I knew he did. I should've talked ta him about it. Since I put down mah brother."

"You did the best you could, Daryl. Anyone who's told you otherwise is a complete asshole. I'm so happy that you were there for him. And for my little girl."

"Not so little anymore."

"She's beautiful," Lori smiled. "So much of her daddy in her. I know she's Shane's by blood, but she's Rick's girl. Rick's wife is so wonderful for her. I'm glad she has her."

Daryl nodded. "'Chonne's good for her. Was good for Rick too." They both remained silent for a couple of minutes. "So why ya here?"

Lori smiled again, laying a hand on his arm. "I wondered when you'd get around to that. Well, I can see what you're doing right now. Same thing you did when Rick.... you can't do that. Isolating yourself won't do any kind of good."

"Ain't got nothin' now."

She shook her head. "No, that's a crock of shit and you know it. Your whole identity isn't just one person. You have so many people who love you. You can't get lost in your grief. If you get too caught up in it, you could be out there some day and not notice a walker and you get bit. You can't leave them like I did." She had tears in her eyes now.

Daryl reached out with a shaky hand and wiped a tear away with a thumb. 

"Please, Daryl. Don't let this consume you. Or it'll destroy you."

With a smile, she faded from view, leaving Daryl emotionally rung out. He didn't move from his spot. Given that he just interacted with two dead people, it wasn't too much of a stretch to think someone else would show up. 

He looked out around him expectantly. Five minutes passed, then ten. He sighed, dropping his head down. Figures. Once he expects something, it never happens. Story of his life. He finally got up, started walking again. No sounds of nearby walkers, no signs of any kind of life. Probably just as well. 

He heard some rustling up ahead and looked up, sighing deeply. "Figures."

"What's up baby brother? Not happy to see ol' Merle?"


	4. Merle

Thank you for the kudos and comments. I appreciate them so much. I do have an endgame in mind, it's just not written yet. This plot bunny won't leave me alone lol.   
***

Daryl glared at his brother. "Why would I be? Ya've never done anything for me my entire life!"

Merle backed up, hands up. "Now now little brother, that any way to talk to me after all these years? Hmm?"

Daryl rolled his eyes and turned to leave. "C'mon Dog, let's go!"

"Oh come on now, baby bro, you got nothing to say to me, at all?"

Daryl stopped and turned. "Ya left, Merle, that's what ya've always been good at."

Merle growled lowly. "I toldja before little brother, I couldn't stay. I woulda killed him."

"Yeah?" Daryl said, face cold, "So what? He'da been dead, no loss."

Merle actually looked contrite. "I had no idea he used to... that he used to beat you too. You never said anything."

Anger came over Daryl's face. "What was I supposed ta say, huh? Ya probably either wouldn'ta believed me or laughed about. Ya and Pa got along only ta make fun of me. And why? I get I wasn't the son he wanted, but you. You was the only friend I had and at the same time, you was one of my enemies.

"And what made ya so special huh? Think he'd only beat you, not me. He mighta been a racist, bigoted, homophobic son of a bitch, but he never played favorites. He hated ya as much as me. Always told us we was mistakes."

Merle looked down. "He was a horrible son of a bitch."

Daryl glared at his brother. "But ya figured, why beat 'em if I can join 'em. Least ya won't get ya ass beat as often."

Merle looked uncomfortable.

"Or maybe it was because he always knew I was gay."

Merle's head shot up, alarm in his eyes. "What?"

Daryl scoffed. "Really? This is a surprise ta ya? 'Ve always been gay. Never fucked any o' the girls ya threw at me. Why'd ya think I was so upset when Darren moved, ya idiot! We was tagether!"

The older man was genuinely speechless. He had no idea what to say to placate his little brother right now. Might not be any way to placate him.

"Why'd ya come here Merle?" Daryl asked tiredly. 

"Maybe I wanted ta see how ya was doing."

Daryl let out a short bark of a laugh, though there was no humor in it. "How I'm doing? Well, given that I just lost the love of my life, and he didn't even know about it, I'm doing pretty fucking shitty Merle. I lost mah best friend six years ago. The closest thing to a sister I have lives in another settlement. 'M all alone. As usual."

Merle hesitantly neared his brother, laying a hand on each shoulder. "Baby brother, I know I wasn't the best brother in the world. I sucked as a role model. I'm sorry for leaving you. I really am. I never realized how bad it really was. No matter how long I lived or even if I lived after Blake, there's nothing I could do to ever earn your forgiveness."

Daryl turned away, biting his lip. 

"Stop that now," Merle admonished, touching his lip. "You'll end up chewing it straight off one a' these days."

"Whaddya want Merle." It was more a demand than a question.

"I feel like I did what I could to try to make things right, there at the end. I woulda taken my Nubian Queen to Blake, to foster peace, but I couldn't do it to her. I knew what he'd do to her. I couldn't have that on my conscience, not when I just got you back."

Daryl looked back at his brother. "I had ta put ya down. When the Governor killed ya, ya turned. And I found ya. That broke ma heart. I knew ya tried ta redeem yaself. I know that. Don't make losin' ya hurt any less."

"I can't imagine. I just wanted ya to know how sorry I am for everything. For pa, for dragging ya into my shit, just... everything."

Tears trailed down over Daryl's face. "It ain't nothin'." Then he pulled Merle into his arms. "I miss ya, man."

"I miss you too, baby brother. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I do hope that'll happen."

Daryl pulled back, his face dropping. "Without Paul... I don't see that happening."

"Have faith, my brother. You never know what's going to happen."

With that, Merle faded from view, leaving Daryl silently crying. He slowly sat on a log and Dog tried to climb up into his lap. He licked at Daryl's face, clearing the tears away.

After ten minutes or so, Daryl sighed. Is this what things were going to be like all night? Just how in the hell is he even seeing and interacting with all these people? He just wanted to sleep for like a week but god knows, the nightmares would probably wake him every hour on the hour.

"No time for sleeping Daryl."

With a sigh, Daryl looked up, then jumped to his feet. 

"Hershel!"


	5. Hershel and...

"Oh my god, Hershel!" Daryl quickly hugged the old man. "I've missed ya, man. God!"

Hershel smiled after they parted, bracing his hands on Daryl's upper arms. "I've missed you too son."

Daryl grinned bitterly. "I'm sorry I lost Beth."

Hershel shook his head. "You didn't. Her death isn't on you. It's on that woman who ran Grady."

Shaking his head, Daryl pulled back. "No, I lost her. Turned away for a minute and they had her."

"Daryl? It's not your fault."

Daryl's jaw dropped at seeing Beth materialize next to her father.

"I don't blame you, Daryl. No one does. Only you do."

"Beth?" Daryl whispered her name, accepting her embrace, tears falling. 

Hershel watched the two with pride on his face. 

Beth, still wearing the same yellow top she wore when she died, but missing the stitches on her face, pulled Daryl to sit on a log. 

"Didn't I tell you that you'd survive all of us?"

"Don't... don't say that. I'm so sorry."

Hershel stepped forward, on both legs, no prosthetic in sight. Come to think of it, Merle had both hands too.

"Now, son. You can't blame yourself for the actions of others. The governor decided to kill me, you didn't."

Daryl sniffled. "I shoulda looked for him more, shoulda tried harder..."

"To what end? You ending up dead too? Michonne and I were captured easily. I know I can't fight like I could have, especially with crutches, but you know Michonne is more than capable of defending herself and anyone else. And knowing your temper as it was at the time, it could have ended up worse."

Daryl turned his head. He had to agree with the old vet on that. His temper was horrible back then. He was still missing Merle. They were all dealing with the looming threat of the governor, the sickness that was going around the prison. Losing Lori and taking care of lil Asskicker... things were so complicated. 

"Daryl, the only one who blames you is you," Beth said. "No one else does. I didn't, Maggie didn't."

The hunter sighed. No point on harping on it now. It was years in the past. 

"Am I right in assuming you aren't a philosophical man?" Hershel asked.

"No reason to be, I guess."

Hershel sat next to Daryl on the log, as the younger man turned towards him. He felt Beth's hand rubbing his shoulder.

"I believe in the Almighty. And I believe He has a plan, even if we don't always understand that plan. I believe that everything happens for a reason."

Daryl scoffed. "Yeah, because the walking dead roamin' the earth has a fuckin' reason."

Hershel tightened his mouth, laying a hand on Daryl's shoulder. "We don't question the Plan, son. We only deal with the fallout. It was my time to go, it was Beth's time. I always respected you, Daryl. You've always been so selfless when it came to the family and we were so proud to be considered part of that. A lot of my feeling towards you is the same as Dale told you earlier. When I call you 'son', I don't mean that lightly."

Daryl fidgeted slightly, then fell into Hershel's arms again. "Thank ya, man. I needed ta hear that. Always felt it was ma fault."

"It's not, Daryl," Beth's quiet voice came from behind him, her head resting on his shoulder. "If anyone says it is, they're a damn liar."

"Bethie!"

"I'm sorry Daddy but anyone who tries to make Daryl feel bad, they deserve to be stomped."

Daryl felt Hershel's chuckle vibrate through their bodies. Finally, he pulled away from the older man but looked into his eyes.

"Can't promise nothin' but I can try ta accept things."

"You can't change the past, Daryl. The only thing you can do is accept it."

Daryl offered a watery smile and a nod, then he was alone on the log.

He'd missed Beth so much. Besides Rick, she was the one he ended up being closest to. He could still remember the sound of her song voice in his head, when she played that piano as he lay back in a coffin. Might not have seemed like it but it was a nice time in his life after the world went to hell. She didn't judge him, but instead she challenged him. Didn't take any of his posturing bullshit. Made him accept things he didn't want to, including the death of his brother.

He had to accept things as they were. Thinking about the past and how he should have been able to change things was making him go crazy. He could see that now. 

"I can see by the look on your face, you're starting to get it."

Daryl wasn't even surprised to see the man in front of him. 

"Hey Glenn."


	6. Glenn

Only a few chapters left. Thank you for the comments and kudos. :)  
***

"'Hey?' That's all I get? A 'hey'?" Glenn sniped with a grin.

"Oh man, whaddya want? I've been through the fuckin' ringer tonight. Just got done talking ta Maggie's old man."

Glenn nodded to himself. "Huh. No wonder you're not freaked out."

Daryl pulled out a smoke after telling Dog to go lay down. "Man, if I had the energy, I'd be freaking the fuck out, but Jesus fuckin' Lord. Of all the people ta get some kinda spiritual journey, it's me?"

Glenn laughed, sitting down next to his friend. "You've probably had enough hugs for tonight so I won't do that."

Daryl just looked at the Korean man. "Fuck you man, come here."

Both men embraced for several moments before parting. It felt good to see the younger man again. He was taken from the world far too soon.

"I'm sorry man. I shoulda never–"

"Now stop right there. This wasn't your fault. I know many people over the years have told you that. Negan decided to kill me, you didn't–either directly or indirectly– cause it. He was going to kill me no matter what had happened."

Daryl sighed. "I'm starting ta believe that. Really."

"Good," Glenn said with a grin. "Although I'd love to see you explain a black eye you got from a ghost."

They both laughed.

"Is that what ya are? A ghost?"

Glenn sighed, "Hell if I know man. Gets kinda boring sometimes. Just watching everything."

"Least there ain't no walkers there."

"True, very true. So, how's my son?"

Daryl grimaced. "I dunno. Maggie took off with 'im years ago. She don't even know Paul's dead. And she was the closest to 'im. Kinda callous o' her, ya ask me."

Glenn's brows furrowed. "Doesn't sound like her. But then, I don't really know what's been going on. I know she and Michonne had a falling out but I don't know why."

Daryl's mouth screwed up slightly. "I ain't gettin' inta that right now."

"Fair enough."

Silence passed through them for a couple of minutes. Not for a lack of what to say but what to say first.

"Have ya seen 'im? Paul I mean?"

Glenn looked uncomfortable. "I... can't really say."

"So ya have."

The Korean man laughed nervously. "I can't say. I've seen a lot of others though. I've seen Denise, Andrea, Noah, Deanna Monroe, Eric Raleigh..."

Daryl looked at Glenn, pondering. "Do ya see the bad ones? Like Shane? Or the Governor? The Terminus ones?"

Glenn shook his head. "No, that's a different... realm? than we're in. Besides, if I saw Shane, I think I'd kill him again."

"Me too," Daryl muttered.

After some more silence, Glenn turned towards Daryl. "Look, I don't blame you, for anything. It's probably a broken record by now."

Daryl snorted in agreement.

"But it's true. It's why Maggie never blamed you. Negan only said it to compound your guilt."

The hunter stood up, pissed, pacing. "The fuckers took a fuckin' picture of ya... after... just so they could show it ta me when I was their prisoner."

Glenn turned a little green at that. "That's sick."

"Oh yeah, but that's Negan."

"He still alive?"

Daryl's grin was nearly feral. "Ended the fucker maself. One of the most satisfying experiences since all this shit started. Not just for me, for our family, it was for you and Abraham too."

Glenn was nearly beaming. "I bet Maggie was overjoyed about that."

Daryl's face darkened slightly. "In a way. But she wasn't gonna get ya back. She may have Hershel Jr, and Negan might be dead, but she still didn't have ya."

"But that's okay. As long as she's happy and healthy, I'm okay with that."

The hunter sat down again, Dog coming over for head scratches. He looked at Glenn for a few long moments.

"Ya was always too good for this world, man. I miss ya."

Glenn smiled serenely. "Back atcha man."

Then he was gone.

But Daryl didn't move. Just as well wait until the next one showed up. He wondered who it would be. He really wished he could talk to Rick again, even if just to tell him how much he meant to him.

"Dad's not here, Daryl."


	7. Carl

There's one more chapter after this.

****

Carl looked at Daryl with a smile before rushing towards him, engulfing the older man in a bone crushing hug. 

"Oh sweet boy. 'Ve missed you so much. We all do."

Carl pulled back, tears in his eyes, a wide grin on his face. 

"It's so good to see you Daryl."

"Whaddya mean, Rick's not here?"

Carl looked a little confused. "He's not dead, Daryl. That's why he's not here."

Daryl felt the blood drain from his face. "He's not.... W-where is he?"

The young man shrugged. "Don't know, only know he's not here."

Daryl didn't even know what to think. He saw that bridge blow up. Rick's body was never found. Could he have been injured and somehow...

Carl waited until Daryl worked things out in his mind. "I've seen a lot of others. My mom, Sophia, Dale, Glenn, everyone we've met and meant something to us. I haven't seen Shane."

Daryl startled at the name. Even after all these years, even just the name made him flinch. 

"Wish I coulda protected ya better. Been there with ya."

Carl scoffed, folding his arms and plopping himself on a log. "I'm not a child, Daryl. Maybe not a legal adult, but what is legal in this world anymore. I was old enough to know right from wrong. Old enough to kill. I got bit. It was a fluke."

The hunter remained silent.

"I remember what you said to me. The last thing you said to me. That I saved all the people of Alexandria. If I can save a community, don't you think I can take care of myself. The walker got me on my blind side. I got more than some people. I got a chance to say goodbye to everyone who meant something to me. Not Negan. I just wanted him to stop."

Daryl grunted. "Yeah, he only stopped when your old man slashed his throat. The only way peace happened was because that asshole was locked up."

Carl nodded somberly. 

Daryl continued. "I said it ta Paul when I got outta Sanctuary. How they looked at things. 'T wasn't about gettin' by, was about gettin' it all. Negan didn't want ta think any other way. He was a power hungry asshole."

"He was. I'm glad you killed him. That had to go a long way to help heal a lot of things."

Sniffing, Daryl scratched at Dog's head before shrugging. "Don't take away all he did."

Carl nodded. "No, I suppose it doesn't."

"Judy's doing great. Lil Asskicker like I always said. Wears the hat ya gave her all the time."

Carl felt tears fill his eyes. He missed his sister so much.

"Ya have another brother. 'Chonne was pregnant when Rick died. Or not-died. Boy named Rick Jr. RJ for short."

Tears dripped down Carl's face as he fell into Daryl's arms again. Even Dog was affected as he put a paw on Carl's leg. The young man choked out a laugh as he scratched at the dog's head. 

"Who's this little guy?" Carl asked through his tears. He sat back and wiped at his face.

"This is Dog. Found 'im out scavenging one day. Was a pup. Half dead, starved. Brought him back ta ma camp, trained 'im."

"And called him 'Dog'." 

Daryl grinned. "Well, what else was I s'pose ta call 'im?"

Carl shrugged. "I dunno. Rover, Spot, Merle?"

Daryl barked out a laugh. "God no, I'd never torture an animal by naming him after Merle."

Carl giggled as he continued scratching Dog's head.

"Dad didn't handle things very well, after I died."

With a sigh, Daryl wrapped an arm around Carl's shoulder. "You was his boy. He wasn't gonna handle it well. Everything he did was ta make a better future for ya and for Judy. With ya gone, he was gonna flounder. I just didn't think it'd be that bad."

Carl nodded. "I know I wasn't as careful as I should have been. Walkers coming out of nowhere was a common thing. I just... I wanted to help Siddiq, even though dad didn't want me to. He was more wary of strangers than he was of walkers."

"It's because we know what drives walkers. There's no hidden agendas. It's just find and feed."

The young man nodded again. He silently scratched at Dog's head.

"I miss them all so much. Dad and Michonne. Judy, god I miss Judy so much, I can't even..."

He drew in a shaky breath.

"Does she remember me?"

Daryl turned, pulling his arm from Carl's shoulder. "Of course she does. She wears ya hat. She looks at that picture ya took, all the time. She misses you. She's so damn smart too. 'Chonne's been getting to a bad place mentally. With a coupla words, Judy brought her back. When I see her, I talk ta her about ya. Don't ever want her ta forget ya."

Carl again wrapped his arms around Daryl. "Thanks. I feel better knowing she's got you, especially with dad... gone."

Daryl patted Carl's back before the boy stood up. Daryl's chin quivered slightly, hating to have to say goodbye to him again. He nodded, then Carl was gone.


	8. Paul

This is the end. I hope you've enjoyed this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Thank you to those who have read, left kudos, or commented. 

***

Daryl was so tired. He'd been through the emotional ringer. Wanted to sleep for a week. Even if he did sleep, he was sure he'd be jarred awake by nightmares. He didn't think he'd had a satisfying night's sleep in years. He didn't think he'd ever sleep well again. Not without Paul. 

"Hi."

Daryl stood up, his eyes widening. He felt his heart jump into his chest, his eyes filling with tears.

"Paul."

He appeared as he did when he died. His hair in a bun, blue long sleeved shirt, pathetic armor that didn't do its job.

"Daryl."

Paul smiled that beautiful crooked smile of his as he neared him. They way he said his name, like a prayer, made Daryl's stomach flip.

Daryl's eyes never left Paul's. Paul was so beautiful. And he had never told him, had treated him with indifference. The scout had died not knowing how much Daryl loved him. He loved him so much. The love he felt for Paul felt stronger than anything. Stronger than a thousand missiles, stronger than a million walkers. And it had the ability to render him to a quivering mess.

Like he was now.

Daryl stepped closer to Paul, his hand reaching out. His fingers touched Paul's outstretched hand and their fingers laced together. Daryl pulled the man to him, sliding a hand up his face, a sob emanating from deep in his gut.

He drew Paul close and gently took his mouth, tears rolling down his face as he finally kissed the man he loved. Paul's arms slipped around his shoulders, holding him close, deepening their kiss. Paul moaned as Daryl's tongue plunged into his mouth, happily reciprocating. He moaned again, feeling Daryl's erection against him. Once they broke the kiss, Daryl just leaned against his love.

"Hey, I'm here."

Daryl sobbed. "For now. I wish I'd told ya when you was alive, that I'm in love with ya. Losing ya again, now, it'll kill me. I can't..."

Suddenly, Daryl felt himself overcome with dizziness. His vision whited out and he felt like he was floating through space.

"Daryl? Daryl! Can you hear me?"

Daryl's eyes popped open. What the hell? Above him was a non-descript ceiling, not the sky. He sat up, looking around in confusion.

"Daryl?"

The hunter turned to see Paul next to him. Beautiful Paul. 

In a bed with him.

"Paul? What are ya doing here?"

Paul's eyes rose in surprise. "I live here?"

Daryl shook his head. "What? No, I don't even live here anymore. What?" He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm confused."

"Yeah I get that. What do you think is going on?"

He turned to Paul again, noticing that the both of them were shirtless. "You're really here? Ya didn't die?"

Paul looked alarmed. "Die? When would I have died?"

"When we first encountered the Whisperers."

"In the graveyard?"

Daryl nodded. 

"No, baby, you saved my life. Let a bolt go when you noticed the walker wasn't moving like a walker. The sword never touched me."

The memory washed over him. Seeing Paul in his element, fighting against their enemy. Jumps, kicks, slashes. He was like a bonafide ninja. Daryl recalled seeing the walker move with purpose. There was no hesitation in it. His eyes widened as he noticed a sword coming down from the walker's arm. Daryl pointing the crossbow and putting a bolt in its head. Finding out it wasn't a walker, but a man wearing a walker mask.

Daryl felt tears roll down his face before turning and pulling Paul into his arms. "It felt so real. Ya died and I never told ya how much I love ya."

Paul wiped Daryl's face of his tears, then squeezed him hard, then the older man felt the memories of his and Paul's past wash over him. Meeting him when Paul stole the truck keys. Daryl somehow knowing Paul had taken the keys. Taking the truck and Paul back to Alexandria. 

He remembered going to Hilltop. Gregory had still gotten stabbed as a message from Negan but he had died. Paul had temporarily taken over Hilltop but Maggie quickly became leader, with Sasha and Paul as her seconds.

Since Gregory was dead, Daryl never offered them to take out the saviours, opting to be smarter about it and formulate a better plan. He never took his eyes off Paul the entire time he was there. 

Maggie did later have issues with her pregnancy and they shuttled her to Hilltop and ended up in Negan's lineup. But that had a different outcome too. Daryl had initially met Dwight on the road, but he ended up killing him, having outsmarted the man who had tried to steal his bike, vest, and crossbow. Meaning Denise never got killed by his bow, and thus, Daryl never went after Dwight. He was never shot or captured, and never ended up in the lineup. Instead he was hidden away and took Negan out with a bolt to the head, so he never had the chance to kill Abraham or Glenn. 

This reality was so much better than his dream. 

He needed to be close to his love though. He pulled Paul back to him and slid a hand into the scout's hair. He pulled Paul closer to him and gently took his mouth in a short but meaningful kiss.

Paul pulled back, his eyes searching Daryl's. After a few moments, he saw something in Daryl's eyes and leaned back in to kiss the hunter back. Daryl groaned softly as Paul slid his hands over Daryl's shoulders, holding him close.

Their mouths battled with each other, tongues clashing as they held each other. Daryl could feel tears welling up in his eyes but didn't stop kissing the man. He felt like he'd wanted this for so long, but they'd been together for a long time now. Still, every time was mind-blowing. This was heaven and almost more than a redneck like him deserved. 

Paul moaned, laying back, pulling Daryl with him, and both men could feel each other's arousal. Even though they'd made love many times, it's almost like this was the first time again. Daryl caressed his love's face, kissing him gently again. 

Daryl smiled serenely, a true smile as he began to kiss his way down Paul's chest, sliding his arms over his skin, letting his lips trail down to tease a nipple.

"Oh God Daryl! Yes!" Paul gasped at the sensation.

Paul's hands carded through Daryl's hair as the hunter wiggled down the bed, hastily throwing the sheet aside. Daryl's mouth trailed down the scout's stomach, over the sparse amount of hair until he reached his throbbing erection. He didn't hesitate to wrap his lips around the head, lapping at it gently. 

Paul whimpered at the feel of Daryl's mouth and tongue on him, struggling to make sure he didn't move his hips and choke the man. 

"Daryl, please..."

Paul's head fell back as Daryl took more of Paul's cock into his mouth, sucking harder the more he took in. His fingers dug into Paul's hips as he relaxed his throat to take the cock all the way in, which made Paul let out a strangled groan.

After a few more moments of working his throat around Paul's dick, Daryl pulled back, drool and spit coming from his mouth. Daryl wiped his mouth as Paul looked down and stroked a finger across Daryl's cheek. Daryl crawled back up the bed and kissed Paul hard, their arms wrapping around each other as they gently rutted against each other.

"Ah Christ... Paul... want ya so bad..."

Paul whimpered, his hair falling over Daryl's face, his hands grasping his head, fingertips pressing into his skull. 

"What do you want, Daryl?" 

Daryl kissed Paul again. "Want ya to fuck me. Wanna feel ya."

Paul groaned, his breath coming in sharp pants. Holy fuck. He had to force himself not to cum right then and there, Daryl's sexual words never failing to make hot white stabs of lust shoot through him. Daryl reached over to the nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lube and a condom. He handed it to Paul before laying back in anticipation.

With a salacious moan, Paul moved down Daryl's body, the hunter bringing his legs up to brace his feet on the bed. Paul parted his legs and lay down, nuzzling at his lover's angry red cock. He flicked open the bottle of lube, warming it on his fingers before trailing down to Daryl's hole, rubbing at it gently.

"I ain't gonna last long, so ya might want ta move it along."

Paul chuckled shortly, pushing a finger into his hunter, drawing a high pitched whine out of him. A second finger was added, then a third until Daryl was thrashing about, begging for more.

"Please Paul, please!"

Paul teared up slightly. He could tell Daryl was desperate, but until now, he didn't realize how much. So he quickly pulled on the condom and slicked himself up, leaning down to brace himself against the other man. Daryl gasped as the head of Paul's dick pushed past the rim, then his groan reverberated through him as Paul sunk all the way home. Paul rested on his arms on either side of Daryl's head, kissing him passionately. Daryl's arms ran over Paul's back as he curled his legs around the scout's hips.

"Please," Daryl murmured, "move, fuck me, feel me, I need ya."

In response, Paul pulled out and thrust back in hard making Daryl cry out in ecstasy. Paul moved to his knees for more leverage then began pounding into his lover, his dick using Daryl's prostate as a punching bag.

"Oh God, yes!" Daryl was nearly delirious with pleasure, in heaven from having the man he loved inside him. 

Paul gasped into another sloppy kiss, both men panting, sweat dripping off Paul's head onto Daryl's face but he paid no mind. Daryl frantically slid his hands into Paul's hair, groaning deeply, feeling his balls beginning to tighten up.

"'M close Paul..."

"Me too baby."

Daryl's heart swelled at the endearment before he reached down to wrap a hand around himself, jerking his cock in time with Paul's thrusts and cried out moments later when he spurted cum between them, covering both their stomachs. Daryl's channel rhythmically squeezed around Paul's dick, making the smaller man bottom out and cum shortly thereafter. Daryl tightened his legs around Paul's waist to keep him inside a little longer, until Paul started to soften. Then he pulled out, rid himself of the condom, grabbing one of Daryl's rags to clean them off before flopping down next to him.

"Wow," Paul breathed out.

"Yeah," Daryl replied. 

Daryl laced his fingers with Paul's again. He couldn't believe how real that dream felt. And seeing all those who had died, he felt physically and emotionally spent.

Paul started to move, sitting up, facing away from Daryl. "May as well get up. Sun's up. We're expected at Rick's anyways."

Daryl was stunned. "Rick? He's not dead either?"

The scout turned back to his love. "No, why would he be?" Daryl didn't answer. "That must have been some dream. Just how many of us died?"

"Glenn, Abe, Sasha, Carl, Rick, you..."

Paul was floored. "Carl?"

Daryl lowered his head. "Yeah, got bit. During the war with Negan."

Paul rubbed a hand down Daryl's face in sympathy. He knew what the boy meant to Daryl. "Well, it's a good thing there was no war with Negan."

"True."

He remembered Simon's half-assed attempt to succeed Negan only for it to implode like a house of cards. He remembered taking in some of the Saviours, who were only too eager to help them in any way they could, including fending off attacks of their former allies. 

Daryl remembered that he and Rick never had strife between them over Negan, thus they had never ended up fighting and rolling into that hole. The herd never came, Rick never went off on his own, never got impaled on rebar and never had to blow up the bridge.

Daryl let out a sigh of relief. Reality had happened so differently. It was like he dreamt an entire lifetime. 

Daryl got out of bed and quickly dressed, Paul doing the same. Then they were out the door, down the stairs, and out of the house, racing to Rick's house. Without knocking, they entered, and Daryl was dumbstruck at the scene. 

Rick had RJ in his arms, showing him some toy, while Judith ate her cereal. Carl was munching at his cereal quietly while reading a comic. Michonne was preparing something on the stove and his eyes widened to see her expanding belly when she turned. 

"Oh hey guys, good to see you up," Michonne greeted. 

"Hey Daryl, Paul," Rick echoed, putting RJ back in a chair. 

Daryl quickly went to his brother and pulled him tight against him, his eyes welling up at seeing him. Even though he had seen him yesterday, but the dream, it was so real.

Rick hugged him back, a little surprised, given Daryl's normally taciturn demeanor. "Hey, brother, what's going on?"

Paul cleared his throat. "He had a very vivid dream that a lot of us died."

Michonne looked concerned, as did Rick once he pulled back. "A lot of us?"

Daryl nodded before dropping into an empty chair next to Carl. "This dream was so real. Negan didn't die that night in the clearing. He killed Glenn and Abe. Sasha was lost in the war too. Carl got bit–"

Michonne gasped, rubbing Carl's shoulder. 

"You died, Rick. It was pure accident. It involved a massive herd, a bridge between communities and some dynamite."

Rick flinched, even though it never happened. 

"Paul was the last one who died. When we was fighting the whisperers. In ma dream, he got stabbed through the back by that one I got with a bolt in tha graveyard."

Paul hugged Daryl from behind, draping himself over his love's shoulders, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

"I'm okay, baby. I'm right here."

Daryl reached a hand up, accepting Paul's comfort. 

"You realize it was all a dream though," Michonne asked.

Daryl gave her a look. "'Course I do. But it was so real."

Paul looked at Rick. "When he woke up, he was surprised I was even there. Didn't remember that we're together."

Rick's eyebrows rose. "Wow. Didn't remember your own husband? Just, wow."

Daryl looked up at Paul again. "I remember everything now."

He did. He remembered how quickly he fell in love with the scout. He remembered their first kiss, their first time together. He remembered the satisfaction of killing Negan, of defeating the Whisperers, which was only recent. 

Daryl looked around at his family. He was so glad it was only a dream. He didn't think he would have survived if that was his reality. He had his husband, his brother, and–

"Papa!"

Gracie ran into the room, jumping into Daryl's arms, hugging him around his neck.

"Hey sweetheart. How's my girl?"

"I'm awesome Papa, you tol' me so."

"You have fun with RJ?"

"Yep!"

Daryl chuckled, hugging his daughter close. 

"What about me?"

Gracie reached up to hug her dad, Paul swinging her up, settling her on his hip. "Daddy!"

Daryl looked around at his family. He was so incredibly grateful for them. He had such a lucky man to have an amazing husband, a beautiful daughter, a true brother, nieces, nephews, so much. Sometimes he felt is was more than he deserved but Paul had taught him over the years that yes, even he deserved to be happy. And he was.

The door to Rick's house opened to admit Maggie, Glenn and Hershel Jr, Ezekial, Abraham, Sasha, Rosita, Eugene, Aaron, Eric, and several others. Carol came in last carrying a cake with Happy Anniversary emblazoned on it. She grinned and laid it on the table in front of Daryl, Paul and Gracie.

"Happy Anniversary you two."

"Carol–"

"Now Pookie, no lip. It's your anniversary of being a family. You had to know I wasn't going to let that pass."

Daryl's shoulders slumped. "Fine."

Carol beamed at his acquiesce. 

"Look Gracie," Paul said. "Aunt Carol made a cake for us."

The little girl reached out for Carol and hugged her once she was in the woman's arms. "It's been a few years since you came to be part of our family, sweetie."

"Because the stork brought me right?"

There were chuckles all around her, even though Carol gave them all a look. "Yes, honey. Brought you to where you were needed, to your papa and your daddy."

Michonne spoke up and laid some plates on the table, along with some plastic forks. "Here we go." She passed Daryl a knife to cut the cake. 

After a few minutes, everyone was eating cake. Daryl looked around at his family. Indeed, he was a lucky man.

Outside, a lone figure, unseen to everyone, watched the gathering through a window. "Well, I hope you're truly happy. Had to pull some strings to change things, but it was worth it. I know I didn't do right by you, I hope this makes up for it."

Merle Dixon turned and walked away. He was at peace with himself now; he set things right for his little brother. He could rest easy now. With a smile, his figure fading into nothing.


End file.
